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Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Nose Picker

As children, we are raised being told that it's rude or a dirty thing to pick one's nose. I remember when I was kid, I would see my grandmother and mother mask their fingers in tissue paper before plunging into their Jew nostrils to do God's work.

Yeah, God's work. I said it.

I never truly understood what was dirty about this. I mean, sure, there are germs everywhere. But it's not like you have a butt on your face.

(A note to those with butts on their faces: I mean no offense and my prayers are with you.)

How much of a difference on the rude spectrum is it then, to thinly veil your finger with a kleenex before proceeding to pick away? Is it safer, this way? Does society deem this more of the clean way of doing things? Why not create a finger kleenex condom for such things then?

I feel that if it's located on one's face that the person has the right to touch it or deal with whatever issue they are facing.

(Yes I realize I just referred to facing a face

Anyway, I was thinking about this recently. I guess I constitute being a random nose picker and I'm not quite sure that I'm embarrassed. Yet, this more-so happens around this time of year due to allergies. I wake up with cave dwellers taking up space in my Jew nostrils. I have em too...with the rest of me Jew parts.

I have no problem with invading my face holes with my long as I know they have recently been cleaned. Although, I find that I do this without thinking when....say....driving after a long day of work. It's almost like a meditative state of nose picking. I am only aware I'm actually doing this heinous act when I feel a driver passing me and looking over.

Oh, whatever, like you don't do this!

But what really brought this to my attention was this past Sunday. I was at a writer's meeting at a coffee place. I had just left the restroom and I felt like my nose was full of itchy itchy. So I scratched the most outer inside part of my nostril. Not even picking it. And as I walked with the tip of my index finger touching the technically inside of my nose, I made eye contact with the hottie in the pink top. It was like time slowed down and she looked at me and for that split second, I saw her register what I was doing in a way where her look translated into me being Elephant Man or something.

Whatever. Like you don't too...Pinkie! Maybe not. But you probably enjoy pedicures done by your own set of teeth.

Maybe not.

I don't know.

Right now the nose is itchy itchy again.

I must fight the URGE!

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