Thursday, June 29, 2006
I feel like I am residing in a monochromatic world that I tend to create for myself. All greys. Color is actually lacking. At least today it is. Sleep induced day. Tylenol PM looked to be a bad idea in the long run. Old habits. I tend to enjoy sleep more than waking consciousness and productivity. Or at least, maybe just for today this applies. My words are coming out weird. Gramatical errors? Or am I speaking in a Yoda tense? I don't know. I'm sad but I'm not. I feel stagnant. I feel like days old bath water. Acting career seems on a stand still. This script I am writing is stopped at a block I can't seem to hurdle around. This loneliness that comes and goes is like a welcome unwelcome blanket that is itchy yet comforting. Reminds me of a blanket I had when I was a kid. I'm so used to this feeling that I don't know how to be without it somehow peeking it's head into my life at random times. But it sucks. And there we go again with the sucking comment. I miss sex and sucking. But whatever. It's been too long that it all somewhat seems like a dream or thoughts and nothing more. Fantastical images in my mind that remind me more of a porno movie I once saw way back when as opposed to experiences I've actually added to the imaginary notches on my bedpost. But I don't have a bedpost. And here I am looking at the time and it is 6:35. I need to get ready for work. I need to snap out of this funk. I need to not be distracted by pussy or the lack there-of. I need to have some coffee and be happy I am alive and have this job as well as the friends I have. I need to eat. I need to crap. I need to smile on occasion. I need to write. I need to write. I need to write. I need to w r i t e
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
There's spiders in the shower
and I can't think without blinking
I have an inkling of something
Much bigger than this
And the spider is dancing
While the water is splashing
And the drain seems to be growing
Like a grape eating elephant's gaping ass
It's a moldy midsummers morning
The spiders are forming
Something almost resembling a chain
And the water that's pouring
Almost sounds like it's snoring
And it's coming out shooting like rain
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Tired isn't even close to how I feel. It's more like a limbo between conscious and comatose. Drank large amounts of hops baring drinks last night. It was fun. Good party. But now I am at work and all I can think about doing is staring at the wall. It really is soothing, the wall staring that I tend to do. My brain seems to be rebooting itself.
Hammering hungover headache attacked me at about 7am when I woke up to have a orgasmic piss. I had to quickly down advils and drank a whole bottle of water and passed out again.
I met a really cool writer/director last night who is well known in the business. I was so fucking drunk that I think I might have made an ass of myself. He kept saying it was ok and I should be drinking and partying for my birthday. But shit....I was all blubbering about like a little fanboy.
Work. There's work in my inbox. I am sitting here typing a frickin blog instead of working. I just drank coffee and I feel like if I have another liter, I may be able to keep my focus on the task at hand. And speaking of that, I just had to rebrew coffee. All of the carafes were empty but one that was full of nasty Vanilla Nut. Fucking weak ass flavored coffee.
I have some ham and cheese sandwiches with someone's name on them. And all I want to do is spank it and sleep, spank it and sleep. Not really, but it sounded funny.
Too tired....if I last the night I'll be surprised.