Thursday, June 29, 2006
monochromatic
I feel like I am residing in a monochromatic world that I tend to create for myself. All greys. Color is actually lacking. At least today it is. Sleep induced day. Tylenol PM looked to be a bad idea in the long run. Old habits. I tend to enjoy sleep more than waking consciousness and productivity. Or at least, maybe just for today this applies. My words are coming out weird. Gramatical errors? Or am I speaking in a Yoda tense? I don't know. I'm sad but I'm not. I feel stagnant. I feel like days old bath water. Acting career seems on a stand still. This script I am writing is stopped at a block I can't seem to hurdle around. This loneliness that comes and goes is like a welcome unwelcome blanket that is itchy yet comforting. Reminds me of a blanket I had when I was a kid. I'm so used to this feeling that I don't know how to be without it somehow peeking it's head into my life at random times. But it sucks. And there we go again with the sucking comment. I miss sex and sucking. But whatever. It's been too long that it all somewhat seems like a dream or thoughts and nothing more. Fantastical images in my mind that remind me more of a porno movie I once saw way back when as opposed to experiences I've actually added to the imaginary notches on my bedpost. But I don't have a bedpost. And here I am looking at the time and it is 6:35. I need to get ready for work. I need to snap out of this funk. I need to not be distracted by pussy or the lack there-of. I need to have some coffee and be happy I am alive and have this job as well as the friends I have. I need to eat. I need to crap. I need to smile on occasion. I need to write. I need to write. I need to write. I need to w r i t e
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